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Marginalizing Mothers By Kathy Szafran Even when it isn't Mothers' Day, most people honor and respect mothers as holding a special place in families and in society at large. Mothers are revered, honored and loved as unconditionally as they love their own children. This is generally true of all mothers, with one notable exception: teenage mothers. Teen moms are shunned, judged as troubled, irresponsible, lost and even immoral. While we quite properly pay tribute to motherhood on this special day of the year, to most of us, young single mothers are, at best, invisible, or worse, disdained and written off as negligent, stupid and manipulative of the system. The truth of the matter is that most teen moms are none of these horrible things. While some come from stable middle class families, some are celebrities and some do have the support they need to succeed, they are the exception not the rule. Most teenage mothers are victims of child sexual abuse, physical and emotional abuse and persistent neglect. They grew up in homes marked by domestic violence and continue to experience violence in their lives. As a result they bear the lifelong burden of healing from trauma and face significant challenges such as profound social isolation, addiction, depression and low educational achievement. They tend to live in poverty and - significantly - they are themselves the children of young mothers. Marginalizing young mothers doesn't serve any of us well. Regardless of the circumstances leading them to their conditions, these children have children of their own, and if we want to curtail the cycle of dependency, the best approach is to teach these young mothers the skills they need to be good mothers themselves. This includes not only assuring that they complete their educations, but also addressing the social and psychological issues that contributed to their situations. The topics of abstinence, teen pregnancy prevention, adoption, and abortion alternatives have received a lot of discussion, debate and collaborative problem solving. Yet, ironically, the United States is facing the first increase in teen pregnancy in 15 years. While we are justifiably concerned with focusing upon the root causes and prevention, there is something missing from the debate: How do we support teen parents who have already gotten pregnant and whose babies are here? We refer to these young women as young mothers at the margin, because they live at the edge of the American Dream, working to break the destructive cycles into which they were born. There isn't any meaningful dialogue about addressing the deeply rooted social issues faced by this population. They remain out of sight and largely invisible. We don't like to talk about it but today in the United States:
As individuals we can invest in young mothers and their children by mentoring a young mother and her baby and by supporting organizations that provide services to these young women. In these challenging economic times, contributions of money and goods to organizations directly serving young mothers and their families are especially needed. As a society, we should create policy priorities that mandate adequate funding for a continuum of family-focused services that support young mothers and their children. This continuum should include residential treatment where appropriate, affordable housing that is both safe and stable, education and workforce training programs, and a myriad of parenting, life skills and other supports. It makes good economic sense, too. By investing in programs proven to be successful, we can end the expensive dependence upon systems of care—the courts, the foster care system and other social services—by young mothers and their families. We can break destructive cycles that can ruin the lives of mothers, their children, and their children's children. On this Mothers' Day, as you consider the blessings of having that special mother in your life, do something for those invisible, marginalized mothers to help assure that their children don't end up at the margin, too. Visit www.atthemargin.org for more information. Kathy Szafran is the president and C.E.O. of Crittenton Services, which has a 115-year legacy of support in Wheeling for the empowerment of vulnerable girls, young women and their families. For more information, visit www.FlorenceCrittenton.net. |
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